I realise I haven't posted for months now.
I always kept myself so busy the past few months,that I did not have the time to think about my emotions. I have had the happiest week,the saddest week and God knows what in the past few months.
But today is the worst Wednesday I ever lived.
I come from a very simple Indian family. My parents had an arranged marriage but everyone who meets them for the first time refuses to believe so. They have had their ups and downs,downs more than ups,but they have stuck together.
And I believe none of it could have been possible without my mom. I don't give her enough credit for all that she has done,but without her,none of us would be where we are today.
I often wonder if my parents share the deepest of their thoughts with each other,like I share mine with my partner. I wonder if they had their own dreams,which were different from the society's.
Indian society is the absolute worst for a couple,I believe. Their life is never just theirs. Their decision aren't just theirs. Especially if you happen to be the eldest son/daughter of the family. And if you do walk away from your responsibilities post marriage,all the blame for the "change" is born by the bride. That is,Indian society for you.
My mom comes from a huge family. She is the second daughter and has one younger sister,two younger brothers and one elder sister. My dad is the eldest of three brothers and one sisters. The two married when mom was really young,and even then she took upon the responsibility of the entire household,like it had been her family all along.
If not for her support,we would have still been in some village,uneducated and unaware.
I always knew this and I love my mother a lot,but just never acknowledged it.
They do have arguments. Although I don't remember the ones when I was younger,I knew they argued. Every couple does.
I would always be angry at mom for saying all kind of hurtful things to dad.
But dad made up for all of it,with just 5 words. And it hurt me,too. I want to be angry at dad for saying that,but I am not, I am hurt.
And I understand what exactly mom is feeling right now. Betrayal,that is how you feel when you give someone all your life,all of you and that person just forgets it all and tells you that you had your selfish motives.
I don't know how she will fill that void in her heart,I don't know.
I wanted to hug her tight and cry with her. For the first time,since 20 years. I wanted to tell her how much I love her and that I want to give her the life she deserves and always wanted.
I can't look at her in the eye anymore. Hell,I don't even have the guts to face her. Every time I do,I am this close to crying. I don't know how I should react. Or if I should even react to something that has been said between a couple.
I wonder how kids from broken families survive that. Of having to lie in your room and wait for the two of them to shut up because it fucking hurts of how they fight. Of how the one couple,you ideally would look up to,argue over the tiniest of things. And I believe those kids are the strongest and most independent.
I finally know what I want my career to be. And for once,I won't change my mind even if anyone tells me to. I only wish it had been some other way to know it.
I always kept myself so busy the past few months,that I did not have the time to think about my emotions. I have had the happiest week,the saddest week and God knows what in the past few months.
But today is the worst Wednesday I ever lived.
I come from a very simple Indian family. My parents had an arranged marriage but everyone who meets them for the first time refuses to believe so. They have had their ups and downs,downs more than ups,but they have stuck together.
And I believe none of it could have been possible without my mom. I don't give her enough credit for all that she has done,but without her,none of us would be where we are today.
I often wonder if my parents share the deepest of their thoughts with each other,like I share mine with my partner. I wonder if they had their own dreams,which were different from the society's.
Indian society is the absolute worst for a couple,I believe. Their life is never just theirs. Their decision aren't just theirs. Especially if you happen to be the eldest son/daughter of the family. And if you do walk away from your responsibilities post marriage,all the blame for the "change" is born by the bride. That is,Indian society for you.
My mom comes from a huge family. She is the second daughter and has one younger sister,two younger brothers and one elder sister. My dad is the eldest of three brothers and one sisters. The two married when mom was really young,and even then she took upon the responsibility of the entire household,like it had been her family all along.
If not for her support,we would have still been in some village,uneducated and unaware.
I always knew this and I love my mother a lot,but just never acknowledged it.
They do have arguments. Although I don't remember the ones when I was younger,I knew they argued. Every couple does.
I would always be angry at mom for saying all kind of hurtful things to dad.
But dad made up for all of it,with just 5 words. And it hurt me,too. I want to be angry at dad for saying that,but I am not, I am hurt.
And I understand what exactly mom is feeling right now. Betrayal,that is how you feel when you give someone all your life,all of you and that person just forgets it all and tells you that you had your selfish motives.
I don't know how she will fill that void in her heart,I don't know.
I wanted to hug her tight and cry with her. For the first time,since 20 years. I wanted to tell her how much I love her and that I want to give her the life she deserves and always wanted.
I can't look at her in the eye anymore. Hell,I don't even have the guts to face her. Every time I do,I am this close to crying. I don't know how I should react. Or if I should even react to something that has been said between a couple.
I wonder how kids from broken families survive that. Of having to lie in your room and wait for the two of them to shut up because it fucking hurts of how they fight. Of how the one couple,you ideally would look up to,argue over the tiniest of things. And I believe those kids are the strongest and most independent.
I finally know what I want my career to be. And for once,I won't change my mind even if anyone tells me to. I only wish it had been some other way to know it.
